Has it really been 6 months?

It has. To be totally honest, it just felt weird to blog here without Haleah.

I’ve drafted so many posts, there kind of all just sitting there half finished, half-assed.

So, today, I decided to do something I do whenever I start a new hand-written journal- a bit of an introduction to who I am at the time. Let’s get reacquainted.

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My name is Rachael. I just turned 28. Married to a wonderful man, Jess. We have three crazy cats named Duchess Snicklefritz VonBuren, whom we call Fritzy for short, Titi for shorter, Lady Seraphina Lichtenstein (PhiPhi), and Lady Cecelia (______, we forget what her formal last name is…)[CeCe]. We live in a quaint quadplex in the Heart of it All. I have three younger brothers (23, 17, and 15) that all at once I love with all my heart and that piss me off completely, sometimes. My parents are divorced, but amicable. I’m very close to my family. I have wonderful friends. I’m a Girl Scout troop leader. I’m into all kinds of crafting. I pick up one thing, set it down, and pick up another so you can find half started craft projects all over my house.I hate doing the dishes. I like bubbles, sidewalk chalk, spring, flowers, dresses, baking, cooking, the beach, taking walks, rain coats, hats, hugs, picnics, Christmas lights, wind chimes, paint brushes, antique hats, restaurants, getting dressed up, things that smell nice, cats, autumn, riding bikes, trying new things, exploring my town, parks, Netflix, owls, candles, Sephora, Modcloth, gardening, books, painting, and so much more. I’m re-learning/re-teaching myself how to sew. I have two antique Singer sewing machines one from 1925 and one from 1947 and my mother’s sewing machine (I also recently received Kenmore model 48, which I think is late 50’s/early 60’s, as a gift from Kelly and Jessica). I’m working on slowly making our place our home- one quirky home good item at a time. My clothing and home decor taste are eclectic, bordering on eccentric, with a mid-century twist, some vintage pieces, and tons of color. I dabble in DIY, though I tend to not be too ambitious with it, however, I’m usually scheming something up- be it a giant vanity or dip-dye curtains for my book nook. During the day, I work in an office. My job is stress-free and I enjoy it.  I’m on a romance novel kick right now, picking a new one up as soon as I finish one. I’m glad fall is here, and I already have my Halloween decorations up! I do love all things pumpkin flavored. I’m a half-decent cook and baker, though I need to use my skills more often though, we kind of eat out too much 😉
I think that’s it for now, just wanted to pop in and get something started back up in this space.
xoxo
-R

Strugglin’

Tw: negative body talk

So I had this whole huge post typed out and I’ve been working on it for over a week, and it’s about having bad body days… but I knew the negative feelings I was having would pass, and they have! I’m feeling a lot better than when I was writing this, but I still want to post it because I know they happen to other people and I will have a bad body day in the future, too, so it’s still helpful to write it out. More importantly, I think what I’ve written is valid and I want to say it. 

“I’ve never known why it’s a crime to say you’re not fine, but I’ve never been quite alright” -‘Nobody’ by Jukebox the Ghost

Bad body days happen. They suck. They really suck. Sometimes they turn into bad body weeks and it sucks even more. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid things I know will trigger one, though, and before you know it I’m down the rabbit hole having a conversation with myself about how dreadful I am and how not being so fat would fix all my problems… which I know is total bs, but it’s hard when so many people around me think about themselves like that and when that messaging is all over the place, when really close friends don’t get it but think they do, say crappy stuff, and hurt me. When I’m told that it’s ok because they’re just concerned about my health… that it’s ok for them to be concern/health trolls because they care about me. How is it ok for my ‘friends’ to only accept me in this body until I ____________ (insert “bad fatty” example here). But, oh, I don’t “look like the mental picture of morbidly obese,” and I don’t seem like one of those bad, gross, FAT fatties… But guess what, I’m not a good fatty… I don’t diet, I don’t work out, I don’t actively hate on myself and wish I were different and I don’t say that aloud to make other people feel better about their own insecurities, I have medical problems but you know, it’s not anyone’s business but mine. I still deserve friendship, respect, acceptance, love and appreciation regardless of what I weigh and regardless of my health.

So what happens if I gain weight? Where is the line in sand? When am I not worthy anymore? Why do I have to accept conditional relationships? Why is it ever ok to suggest I get gastric bypass? Why is it ok to even ask me “Have you ever thought of getting gastric bypass?” Like, yes, I’m sure a lot of people do- people that aren’t even as fat as me. (I don’t have the mental capacity to go into the science stuff, but please check out www.bigfatscience.tumblr.com it is an AMAZING resource, here is a post about the issues with weight loss surgery)  Why do I have to take that crap and just be ok with it when I’m not ok? Why is it so shocking that I’m not actively trying to lose weight 24/7 365 or, like, ever? Why do loved ones get to send me into terrible anxiety and self-hatred spirals? It doesn’t compute. The worst part for me is that I feel like I can’t say anything in the moment, I can’t call people out, I should obviously just take it because they’re “right”… *rolls eyes* I know people love me, and I know they care about me but that doesn’t mean I want their misplaced “care” or opinions on my body. It’s as if people think they have the right to comment on my body because it is fat. It’s rude. It’s not anyone’s place, sorry not sorry! I make an active point to not talk about other people’s bodies, I don’t compliment weight loss, and I try very hard to not talk negatively about my body in front of other women, and especially not in front of younger women/girls, because trust me they HEAR what people are saying and pick it up. My little ten year old cousin is a rockstar gymnast and she is seriously in shape and strong, and again TEN years of age, has pinched her skin while sitting down and said “I’m fat!” to me. She is so young but has already learned that negative body talk is de rigueur! She’s gotten that from family members, TV shows, ads, other girls at school and at her gym- it’s literally all around. And the thing is, there are girls her age who are fat and it’s so so hard because kids are freaking mean sometimes, and because parents are awful sometimes, and ten is too young to hate yourself but it happens. I know because I lived that.

Fatshion February ended last week (two weeks ago now -R) and I feel like I should be riding high and inspired, but right now I honestly feel awful. I’m over my haircut, I have been super red in the face the last few days, my face is breaking out really bad which never happens, and I don’t like any of the outfit pics I’ve snapped lately… basically, I’m not liking what I see in the mirror. I hate feeling like this and I’ve worked so hard not to, but external forces are always at work. I need to remember that this is a temporary feeling. I wish more of the people in my life understood I just can’t talk about this crap, that the mental ramifications of it are not worth it to me. I need a safe places where diets and weight loss are just not a topic of conversation… There is so much more to talk about! I want everyone I love to be happy in general, having a good, positive relationship with their bodies and feeling good- and like, hey if you tried a smoothie recipe and it was awesome let me know! But, I don’t care what the scale says about anyone. I am just asking for that in return. And honestly, that is too much for some people in my life.

I also think I need to see my doctor about adjusting my Zoloft or putting me on Abilify or something, too. I know I’m not in the best place mentally right now. I feel the urge to isolate myself and give in to my homebody tendencies fully. I’m having a hard time. Not just with my body, but with adulting. It’s even tougher to adult when dealing with bad body feelings, when all I want to do is mope and feel bad about myself.  It’s hard to admit sometimes because I just want to be-bop around, wearing cute dresses, and feeling good about myself and enjoying my life without the grayness creeping in.  This journey is hard, but I know it’s worth it and I know I will work through these feelings in time…

Thanks for reading if you’ve read this far, I promise my next post won’t be so depressing

Xoxo

-R

Fri-Yay Faves :)

I feel like this week flew by. I hate that I sometimes feel like I’m always in a rush for the weekend, but, heck, that’s life sometimes. I figured I would share a few faves with you today!

 1.) Ultra Repair Cream by First Aid Beauty. I got this as a Beauty Insider reward from Sephora. At first, I wasn’t sold on it. I felt like it left my face a little greasy but then, winter came to Ohio and my skin is parched. This is the perfect thing for it. It’s a bit heavier than my usual every day moisturizer, which is Aveeno Ultracalming Moisturizer which I get at Target for like $15. Compared to that, the ultra repair cream is a little bit more expensive, for half the size it’s $12. Anyways- for this time of year the ultra repair cream is great. Some days I even use both because my skin is so tight, dry, and flaky! #gross One other thing to note about this product is that it’s not just a face moisturizer but you can use it all over.

 2.) I am obsessed with the Sweet Popcorn chocolate bar by Lindt’s Hello My Name Is line. It. is. so. good. It actually has little bits of popcorn in it. I discovered them last year and I swear I buy one every time I am at Target. Not just because I am obsessed with Target too, but it’s really the only place I can find them.

 3.) Another snack item, Clancy’s peanut butter filled pretzels are amazing! These things can be found other places besides Aldi but they’re wayyyy more expensive and pish posh on that. I like the bag too, it’s resealable with velcro like stuff! Keeps them fresh! These nuggets of happiness are my fave go to snack rn, and so are baby carrots?

 4.) ‘Catch the Bouquet‘ by Orly nail polish. I picked this up at Marshalls for $3! It is super cute. You need a few coats to get a good pink going on, but I love the iridescent shimmer.

 5.) I got the ‘From Dusk ‘Til Dawn‘ massage bar from Lush recently and I love the sweet, citrusy scent. I have the Soft Couer and the Snow Fairy  bars and I love them! The Lush websites descriptions try to make these seem sexy or something… but honestly, I got this because I think it works really good on my dry hands and smells amazing. I do like Soft Couer back rubs from my hubby though!

Thanks for letting me share! Have a great weekend!

xoxo

-R

Wardrobe Challenge Update

17 days into month two and still going strong! I haven’t taken photos everyday and that bums me out because (understandably) I forgot to take a pic on Christmas Day and I made the skirt I wore! I might wear it again, but are snowmen a Christmas thing or a winter thing too?? 

Anyways… I’ve struggled a little bit more recently because almost everything in my normal rotation has been worn already. I did cheat this week, I wore a pair of black pants I’ve already worn but Jess ok’ed it because it was a different outfit. I just realized I also repeated a dress… Whoops!! Here are some collages 😀

   

  

    
    
 
It’s gotten colder and snowy so that’s meant adding leggings and tights. I am wearing my uniform of dress, cardi, and leggings/tights a looooot. The problem is it is so cold outside but my work office is sweltering hot all the time! So I want coverage for the elements but then I end up not wearing my cardigan because I’m having hot flashes. Would it be weird to wear leggings into work, take them off for the work day, and then put them on before going home?? Oh, the trials of trying to look cute! 

My favorite outfit in these collages is this one:  

 Because my momma got it for me as a Christmas gift and it is so so perfect! It made me feel like a princess. The sweater is super soft and the tutu is super sparkly. 

Thanks for letting me share 🙂 

Xoxo

-R

Christmas Time

Merry belated Christmas to our followers 🙂 We hope you had an excellent Christmastime and are about to have an amazing New Years! Haleah and I haven’t gotten to see each other yet, which is a bummer for sure, but we will soon- and I can’t wait to give her gift to her! AHH!!

Just wanted to share a few snaps from the holidays.

 

My babies in their Christmas dresses!

 

Blurry pic of Cecelia but she is too cute NOT to share!

 

How freaking adorable is this outfit my momma got me?????

 

My hubby had a VERY nerdy VERY Star Wars Christmas!

 

New sequin Chucks from Jess 🙂

 

The perfect ending to a great Christmas day- hot bath with a Lush bath bomb, candles, and my favorite chocolate!

 

Our gingerbread houses! My cousins and I always decorate gingerbread houses at my grandma’s and Jess was able to make it this year! I won’t lie- I got SO frustrated at mine because it would not cooperate!

 

Us on Christmas day!

 

Christmas smooches

One of my nephews, Harley

 

Cecelia in Fritzy’s Christmas dress from last year!

 

One of my new vintage ornaments from the Cleveland flea!

 

An ornament from Haleah’s grandma ❤

 

My favorite vintage ornament in the foreground from Flower Child and a vintage ornament from my dad in the background!

 

Our vintage-only tree

 

Our anything goes Christmas tree!

 

Rocking my gnome dress from Modcloth at Festivus!

 

Feats of strength at Festivus! Jon won.

 

My new, weird, but comfy loafers from Target!

 

Dyed my hair!

 

I made this skirt!

Thanks for letting me share!

xoxo

-R

Wardrobe Challenge Week #1

Do younger people know that # means number and not just hashtag? I wonder…

Anyways, I told you guys about the wardrobe challenge my husband gave me last week and today I’m going to share what outfits I wore!

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They are in no particular order in the collage, but I will go through them day by day!

11/3o I wore…. Oh man! I forgot to put it in the collage! Here’s a pic from the last time I wore it though! It’s a blue crochet and patterned maxi dress Haleah gave me, with my tan sweater from Target, and gold glitter flats. I didn’t rock it with the leaf pin this time around though!

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12/1 I wore the dark green tye dye tunic with leggings and boots by Big Buddha. They are so comfy!

12/2 I wore a floral dress, wish I would have taken a pic of the back- it has the cutest bow detail!, with leggings, and Beauty and the Beast themed accessories! My rose necklace and Beauty and the Beast braclet set, both from Hot Topic, and both were gifts! I love wearing pieces that are gifts and given to me by family! I wore my crocheted flats with this outfit.

12/3 I kind of cheated… I wore the same leggings and flats because we traveled and I wanted to pack light. I also neglected to take a pic, so I stole one from an ig post from 6months ago! It’s the navy and pink zig zag dress in the collage. Comfy! Great for traveling.

12/4-12/5 Fridays are dress down days at work so I can wear jeans! My GS troop had an overnight at the zoo that night, so I wore my green GS logo tshirt and purple GS hoodie, jeans, and my tennis shoes. I mega cheated my wearing the same hoodie, jeans, and shoes on 12/5. I did wear a different GS tshirt, though, this time from ALE training! YES I wore a fanny pack and I feel no shame! It was sooooo handy!

12/6- Ok, so, this dress… When I moved the last of my things out of my dad’s I found this dress, it has to be from sometime in early high school, I think? But in all honesty, I don’t remember it and I kind of wanted to wear it to see how it would look. Rather shapeless would be the answer so I put a belt on and it really didn’t help. So, this dress is going in the donate pile. I wore it with gold flats with flowers on the toes, and I think they might be goners too.  They crimp my toes. I did get two compliments on the dress while we were out that day though. Perhaps I will try a different belt?

12/7 Today I am wearing the grey bird print dress and yellow sweater with leggings and yellow flats, all of which are from Target! I haven’t worn this dress or sweater in ages but I really like the combo. I wish I would have grabbed my yellow flower headband! The earrings I’m wearing are the ornament globe ones pictured and they were a gift this morning from my elf on the shelf, Marzipan, and my hubby! 😍

Jess says I have to wear my formal dresses out of the house for them to count… I have a number of formal dresses and I figured I would just wear them around the house as dress up, but I guess that won’t do! Who wants to wildly over dress and go somewhere with me during this challenge??

Week One Summary:

I feel like I didn’t have to try too hard this week, but I definitely picked a few things I don’t wear very often. In my mind, my wardrobe definitely has a “Get This Over With” section for this challenge and that right there tells me I have some culling to do. If I don’t look forward to wearing something, shouldn’t I just get rid of it? If I go by that philosophy, can I get rid of all my dress pants??????????? Ugh. I really hate dress pants.

I have also found myself wanting to save outfits for better times? I loathe wasting a good outfit on a nothing day. One other thing I’m struggling with is the lack of fitting tights! Some of my tights are ollllld and stretched out and other tights never fit really well but were gifts from family (which I especially struggle with getting rid of… have I mentioned I’m slightly a hoarder?) so I kept them. Somehow tights also seem really 2010 to me? In my personal style journey, I  was big big into tights in college but in recent years they’ve been replaced by leggings? Which honestly make my legs too warm most of the time! So, I’m going to get rid of what doesn’t fit and after this challenge work on acquiring new pairs of tights that fit well and enhance my outfits.

Xoxo

-R

Ps-Happy Birthday Week to Haleah’s little girl ❤

Wardrobe Challenge!

A few years back my hubby, Jess, challenged me to wear every single thing in my wardrobe without repeating any one garment/accessory to see how long I could go… I only lasted about a week before I gave up! Let’s just say, post-Black Friday Rachael needs to re-evaluate her spending habits and it’s time to actually give this challenge a go! I’m always finding clothes I have to have, or needing new shoes, when in reality I have an abundance of things that are in great shape that I never wear.

This is how it will work: I have to wear every dress I own without repeating. I have to wear every t shirt I own without repeating. I have to wear every pair of shoes I own without repeating. Every necklace, bracelet, pair of earrings, headband, etc without repeating (obvs I’m going to be wearing my wedding rings and the ring from my dad I wear everyday, still), also socks, undies, tights, are included in this.. the only things I will need to repeat will be jeans (I own three pairs that fit and need them every Friday at work) and things like my winter boots which will be necessary in the upcoming months.

Goal 1: Wear everything in my closet/accessory arsenal/shoe collection without repeating it until I’ve worn everything.

Goal 2: Focus on loving what I already have instead of constantly wanting new new new.

Goal 3: Buy no new clothing/accessory/shoes for the duration of the challenge.

Goal 4: Donate or sell what doesn’t fit, and say goodbye to things that I don’t love or don’t make me feel good.

Goal 5: Work on banishing the need to buy, which won’t only be good for clothing but in general.

Watch along here on the blog weekly, or follow us on instagram @barefootandblind or on my personal ig @buttercreambaby12 for more frequent updates!

x0x0

-R