Jess and I decided to go see the Avett brothers Thursday night last minute, we met up with a group of friends, and it was a great concert… however, I don’t know if I’m just growing up and becoming a grumpy pants, but it really seems like no one knows concert etiquette anymore. So I’m laying down the law, throwing down the gauntlet, and telling you ten ways to be a great concert goer. Follow these tips and no one will hate you with a fiery passion at any show you go to.
1. This is the most basic of rules: Be respectful of other people. Be respectful of their space, their bodies, be respectful of the fact that everyone is supposed to be there to enjoy the show. Simple. Easy. Do it.
2. Don’t get so wasted that you literally can’t control yourself anymore. Have like three beers MAX. Getting shwasted is just sloppy for one thing, for another why pay so much money to go to a show and then get black out drunk and not remember it? (I will NEVER understand this) You can get drunk at your local watering hole for WAY way WAY cheaper. Go there, not to a concert. As an addendum to this rule- Try not to spill your freaking beer on other people. You paid A LOT of money for that beer, hold on to it. Your fellow concert goers do NOT want to be wet and smell of beer. Jeesh.
3. If you’re at a show that is conducive to mosh pits, remember No Fists, No Fights. You aren’t there to actually hurt anyone. You’re there to dance and have a good time. Let off some steam, get rowdy, but don’t try to hurt people. That’s lame and shitty. Also, if you see someone who has gotten caught up in the pit and seems lost, confused, upset, and or afraid, help them get out.
4. For the love of God, don’t crowd surf!!! Seriously, it’s a pain in the ass for everyone in the crowd and I cannot tell you how many times someone has been dropped on my head. I’ve also been kicked in the face. For baby Krishna’s sake, just don’t do it! I’ve seen girls get groped, girls in skirts get groped, people get dropped and hurt, and enough people dropped on the heads of others to stand firm on this rule. It’s distracting, for another thing, because instead of watching the band for paid $57 after processing fees to see, you’re watching for crowd surfers so you don’t get one dropped on you or kicked in the face.
5. A concert is not a place to have long conversations. It’s, you know, really loud, on purpose, so everyone at the venue can hear the music. If you want to have a long convo, how about you go somewhere else to have it. I, and I assume other fellow concert goers, want to hear the music we paid a lot of money to hear and not the sound of your loud, drunk, yell-talking. Especially during quieter, slower songs. Trust me, you can have a little conversation before the show, the gap times between acts, and even some commentary during and between songs, and you don’t have to be a loud mouth to do it. If you want to talk the entire time the main act is on the stage, why did you come to the concert? I don’t know. I don’t frequently pay money to not pay attention to the thing I paid money to see.
6. Put your effing phone down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I promise, after years and years of going to shows, you don’t need to take a million pictures. You don’t need to take a picture during every song. You definitely don’t need to record every song with your phone. The sound quality is going to suck anyways. Snap a few pics, and maybe record your favorite song, but again, be respectful of the people around you- it’s hard to see around arms up in the air with an iPhone 6plus between them recording every.single.song. Also- NO FLASH. Flash is lame. Turn it off and quit blinding people.
7. If you’re a tall person, just try to be at least a little bit courteous to the people at the show that don’t quite have your giant status. You’re going to be able to see no matter where you stand, so watch out the for little guys who can barely see at all, ever.
8. Don’t wear heels. Especially if you’re one of the ones I mentioned in rule 2, the wasted people. Actually, this is just a life tip to women in general, don’t wear heels if you can’t walk in them. At a show, you’re standing like 90% of the time, maybe a little less if you’re at a venue with seats, and that’s not fun for your feet. It’s also not practical, especially at a show with a pit. You don’t have enough stability. If you want some extra height, might I suggest platform boots or flatform sandals? Easier on the feetsies, stable, and fashionable. How can you go wrong?
9. If you’re at a venue with seats, and in that section, if the people around you are sitting, you should also be sitting. I am thankful for and love venues that enforce a must-sit-down policy on their balconies. Usually, you pay extra for a seat, so you know, you can sit. Respect that. If you want to stand, cool, get a floor ticket and stand away.
10. Alright, this last one had me torn, should I go with how about you smoke your weed before the show not during it or can we just all stop with the pushing? And I think I’m going with the second one. While I’m not very much into the skunky smelling plumes of smoke from your everyday pothead, I actually really effing hate it when, on the floor at a show, just when the headliner is coming on stage, there is the massive push towards the front. Here is a helpful hint- you aren’t going to get that much closer, and in the process, people get hurt, and we all end up uncomfortable. So, can we all just agree to stop doing this? That would be great.
I mean, I know I’m old and lame, because I definitely prefer getting seats at shows now and I haven’t been in a pit in ages, but if you keep these suggestions in mind, you will be appreciated by and win the approval of everyone else at the concert that isn’t a giant dupa yash like you, before you read this blog.